One of the worst film ever made is a slasher movie called Thankskilling which involves a satanic, jive talking turkey monster who kills teenagers due to a Indian curse. The film is best known for it’s opening sequence, a nipple, which turns out to belong to a topless pilgrim played by former porn actress and current “escort” Wanda Lust. She is killed by the jive turkey, with an ax of course.
One would think this terrible movie was based on an actual turkey the way the Detroit Free Press was dealing with a “story” about a Detroit woman named Edna Geisler who is being “terrorized” by an aggressive tom:
A neighbor has stalked Edna Geisler for two months. He lurks in her front yard, screeching at her constantly, even jumping out occasionally and attacking her when she dares wander outside alone.
“I’m afraid to go out of my house,” said Geisler, 69. “I have to go to the post office at 6 o’clock in the morning to avoid him.”
When she returned home with groceries recently, Geisler couldn’t get in her front door.
“I had to go next door to the neighbors and have him use a push broom to keep him away while I brought the groceries in,” Geisler said.
Her stalker is a large, mature, tom turkey who believes Geisler’s front yard in Commerce Township is his. Geisler said she calls him Godzilla.
Each day about 7 a.m. he wanders in, coming from nearby woods on state land behind Geisler’s home, where a flock of wild turkeys live. Usually, he returns to the woods about 7 p.m.
He’s not bothered that Geisler’s front yard has a big horseshoe driveway and is on a well-traveled road. When he preens, fanning his tail feathers in a strut meant to flirt with hens, he’s as big around as a car tire.
Around Geisler, he clucks loudly, runs at her and flies in bursts at her torso, usually delivering a sort of fat-feathered chest-bump. One such bump hurt her back; another time he grabbed her with a claw.
The horror! The article goes on to point out that this giant monster is a good 25-30 pounds and is one of probably 200,000 wild turkeys in the state. An expert tells readers to shoo birds with umbrellas. No one mentions that the real way to handle a 30 gobbler is to kill and eat it.
When exactly did Americans become people who don’t know how to handle a wild turkey? Granted the birds are large and can hurt a person – but that also describes cows. Are people terrorized by them too?
There’s a video report. Sad, very sad. By the way, the web is full of comments by people who claim to know Edna and all report that she’s been feeding the flock of turkeys. So you know, maybe she could just stop feeding him.